The Cho family has poo issues. I'll spare details I normally would tell my closest peoples because to most, this is an icky subject and girls don't poo or fart and only pee on each other while being filmed for a porno. But for my family this is an important issue as it effects our daily lives.
My mother even calls to ask me how my poops are. During the Euro Bus Trip, my mom made grunting noises while pretending to read a book to show me how to poo while at the breakfeast table. After laughing hysterically for about 15 minutes, I reassured her that after my third day of not pooping from nervous-travelling-butthole, I'd take a laxative and hopefully shit my brains out. Just to have closure to this story, I did take a laxative but did not shit my brains out because my travelling-butthole syndrome was so severe - I only ended up with sad rabbit balls.
Despite the ickyness of the subject, I will give you some tips on how to have healthy log poos with clean breaks. Although you are probably pretty disgusted with me at this point, everyone knows YOU get CONSTIPATED. YOU get SPICY BUTTHOLE. YOU get DIARRHEA (spelling?). These tips aren't your usual oatmeal and coffee strategies. These are tips from a professional can't-poo-er.
For Constipation:
1. Psyllium Husk. A couple spoon fulls of this with juice will get clean you out
2. Kefir. Half a glass of this will give your poo a gentle texture and will also make you go
3. Flax Seeds. Whatever form - grounded, cracker form, in cereal, just eat it!
For Spicy Butthole:
Spicy food = spicy butthole. You can try to take papaya enzymes to help digestion otherwise you're pretty much screwed.
For Diarrhea (spelling?):
Eat bananas, applesauce, plain rice. This will make you solid. Avoid sugar and complicated foods with a lot of flavoring. Gatorade is okay for hydrating but it has a lot of sugar so dilute it with water.
There you have it! I bless all of you with wonderful healthy log poops with clean breaks. If you were fascinated by this post I recommend my friend/enemy's not-updated-enough blog. It's one of my links called "kiki bang-goo..."
