Sunday, August 3, 2008

Arctic Tale

A documentary about polar bears and walruses narrated by Queen Latifah. I love polar bears. LOVE THEM. Walruses? Not so much. They look like penises with an extreme case of elephantitis with tiny flippers, eyes, whiskers and tusks. Writing this description makes me wonder how realistic I can make a penis look if I put tiny flippers, eyes, whiskers and tusks on it. This is one instance where I wish I had a penis. But I digress...

Polar Bears are a-dora-blé. It's the reason why I rented Arctic Tale, narrated by Queen Latifah. Queen Latifah did a terrible job narrating but perhaps it was the writing. Actually the writing was terrible and Queen Latifah is just an indirect casualty. I cried when the little brother polar bear starved to death. That's right, those little cubs have that kind of powerful effect on me, at least when I'm PMS-ing.

Where am I going with this? Speaking of terrible writing, this is a perfect example of prose without cohesiveness, direction or purpose.

In conclusion, if you like polar bears AND walruses AND Queen Latifah, this is the documentary for you. If you like polar bears but are indifferent to walruses and Queen Latifah do not waste your time with this.